It’s been a year to the day since we made that drive to the clinic. Hearts in our throats, bodies taut with hope and tingling with anxiety. It was one of those perfect autumn days. A slight nip in the air, sky an expansive blue above us, leaves just beginning to turn to flame.
I remember, so vividly, the little grey squirrel perched on the wall as we turned into the car park. I chose to see it as a fortuitous sign. Autumn always was my time.
You were our one shot. Our one, miraculous embryo and we could only wish with all our might that you would decide to stay.
A year to the day since you were transferred from lab to womb. A tiny speck of stardust. The merest smudge of white on that first ultrasound image. At once so small as to seem insignificant and our entire world captured in a pinprick of light.
We could only hope.
And now, here you are. As real and solid as anything. Flesh and bone and bawling lungs. Smiles that light up the room and already so full of stories - you gobble up life and throw it back out in joyful gurgles and limbs that don’t stop moving. Our magic bean. Our miracle child. The new, beaming, wriggling centre of our universe.
It took seven years, one life changing diagnosis, one major surgery, three rounds of IVF, one egg donor and more pain (both physical and emotional) than I knew I could bear - the hardest, most gruelling journey that we never could have prepared for.
You were worth every second and more.
My heart is so full I feel it must have doubled - no, trebled - in size. We are wrung out with the exhaustion of new parenthood but washed in a soft and vibrant joy, so exquisite it defies explanation.
You are here, my love, and I feel blessed beyond measure.
I could have written this myself. Our little embryo was transferred 8 days after yours and he’s now curled up next to me. A different path, one that also took seven years, and I wonder if I’ll ever stop marvelling at him 💛
Beautiful.... LYFE xxx